Hiatus

Well, something happened.  To me, not to the garden.  I got this stupid thing called a job.  A JOB for chrissakes!

So, I think I'm gonna take a break from ye old blog for several months and focus on working my ass off and saving every single penny so I can buy this house.  Then, when I am king of my castle...lord of my domain....and bard of the backyard, I will make a return to the blogosphere.

Hopefully that return will include cold-frames, winter gardening, chopping down trees, and expansion of the current weedy state of affairs.

Thanks for reading y'all.  You don't know how much I appreciate it.

Recipe - Wannabe a Rasta

I don't watch a lot of TV anymore...mostly because after living with Micah's 56" Plasma for 6 months, watching our old-school 27" boob tube is like reading a book.  Go ahead, literature nuts, hate on me.  One of the shows I do watch (besides sports of course!) is No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain.

I just recently saw his Jamaica episode, and at one point he visits a guy who is some sort of leader in the Rastafarian movement and is served  some down-home Rasta fare.  One of the dishes is a mash up of corn, greens, and maybe some grains, and the vision, that was planted in my brain...still remains.  It inspired me, along with Dad's new vegan obsession, to create the following dish, which turned out pretty excellente, por favor.

Rastafuchsian Barleytash
2-3 Cobs Corn
1 cup Uncooked Barley
10 or so Collard Green Leaves
1 bunch Green Onions
2-3 Jalopeno Peppers
1 Lemon
Salt, Pepper, Olive Oil

• Cook barley as you would rice, for about 45 minutes in 3 cups of salted water.  You want it to be both chewy and tender at the same time.  Also, I didn't do this, but in retrospect you may want to rinse the barley in a strainer after you cook it.  There's a lot of starch, sort of like in oatmeal, and this makes the finished dish kind of...sticky.
• Boil corn for about 5 minutes in salted water, and then cool in cold tap water or ice water.
• Chop collards into small pieces, approximately centimeter squares.
• Slice green onions and jalopenos (seeds removed) as small as you can get them.
• After barley has cooled, slice corn off of cobs, and mix all ingredients together with a good drizzle of olive oil, juice of lemon, and salt and pepper to taste.  I prefer a good amount of salt...maybe 2-3 pinches or more...enough to balance with the lemon acidity and bring out the sweetness of the corn and the toasty barley flavor.
• Put it in the fridge for a few hours and serve cold.

As a side note, I believe this recipe to be vegan, but it isn't technically an acceptable Rastafarian dish.  True Rastas, from what I've read, do not eat either salt or oil.

Pictures, Straight Up

I'm too lazy to format all these and add captions.  You'll see a bunch of the veggies that are coming along, plus flowering radishes, lettuce seed pods, and beets going to seed.  In fact, let's just turn this into a little game.  The game is:  You look at these pictures and see if you can guess what they are.  If you aren't a hermit, you'll do well.  Best game ever!  Enjoy.

Magic

Nerd Alert!  This post may include uncool, non-chic, and/or anti-baller references.  You nerds (you know who you are) might get overly geeked and feel the urge to start replaying Final Fantasy 4.  Resist!

Now then, if you weren't aware, gardening is magic.  And just as with sorcery, witchcraft, and sleight of hand, there exist a range of tricks, potions, and spells that one must learn, practice, and master.  Let me break it down for you.

The Four Levels of Gardening Magic

Harry Potter - Level 1:  Germination
Look at it this way, I sprouted a green bean in kindergarten.  It ain't that hard....even if you're a half-blood and live in Hufflepuff House. 

David Copperfield - Level 2:  Actual Vegetables
The time and metaphorical (metaphysical?) distance between a seed sprout and a summer squash is comparable to the time and distance through which this male model wannabe supposedly transports himself on live TV.  I remember once he went from a live studio in Vegas to a beach in Hawaii.  I didn't believe it.  But believe this, if you don't take care of your sprouts and give them a good home, NO SOUP FOR YOU!  It's harder than mom and dad make it look.  It takes planning, practice, and patience.....or maybe some pre-taped video footage.

Gandalf The White - Level 3:  Repeating the Process
Alright, this is where I start to get really excited.  Why?  Because despite Gandalf coming back from the dead after his mighty battle with the Balrog, Tolkien never mentions anything about Monsanto (run, fools...run).  In fact, the mechanics behind Gandalf's Jesus impression are still pretty vague to me.  Point is, Frodo couldn't just go out and buy a new wizard at the wizard store.  In the same regard, up until the mid-20th century, if one wanted to grow veggies next year, one saved seeds from this year.

I was pretty disappointed last week when I harvested a few radishes and found out that they are so hard and starchy that I could barely chew them.  Then I realized why....they had 3 foot flowering stalks above them.  Gone to seed.  This was a huuuuge bummer for about 10 minutes, and then I realized what this actually meant.  Gone to SEED...HOLY SHIT I CAN SAVE THE SEEDS!  Giggity!  As of today, I've harvested peas for seed and have plans for the radishes and lettuces as well as green and yellow beans, beets, and whatever else I can pull off.  I also found out that some potato varieties grow berries.  Go figure.

As an aside, one of the valedictorians in my high school class could speak and write in Tolkien's elvish.  She also skipped through the halls and sung gibberish to herself between classes.  NERD!  Oh wait, she probably has a better job than I don't......jobs are a whole other kind of magic.

Yoda - Level 4: Plant Porn
Are jedi mind tricks really magic?  Did I just slip some gangster rap into my nerd post?  Well, let's just put it this way, Yoda is one with all of the matter and energy in the universe, so magic or not, he's a powerful motherf@cker.  And if you want to do what I want to do, you'll have to be powerful too!

What do I want to do, you ask?  Well, as I so aptly put it to a good friend of mine....I want to dilly dally with stamens and anthers.  The friendly UK blog 'Daughter of the Soil' has a wealth of information on creating genetic crosses and selecting seeds for certain traits.  She'll show ya how to pollinate flowers of tomatae, potatae, and peas at the very least.  I highly recommend it.  And if I manage to stay in this same house for a few years, I fully intend to attempt a genetic cross or two myself.
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P.S. I just borrowed a 'real' digital camera from my buddy Gammy (Holla!) so next post will likely consist of all pictures and captions.  Prepare for the visual onslaught.

Dankness

Guilty as charged.  Sentence: 2 days of weeding in the hot sun (because apparently nowadays we get sun in the northwest)

Yes, yes, it's true.  I've turned to a life of crime over the last month.  Crime against vegetables.  Gardening ain't easy, and I haven't exhibited the morals or the work ethic to overcome.  My garden has damn near gone to seed, and I regret my laziness over the last month.  I need to weed.

However, not all is bad!  Everything is coming up and growing strong in it's own way, and tonight I was able to harvest the following:

1 Head of Kale
2 Handfuls of Arugula
6 Red Red Radishes
1 Baby Turnip (1")
1 Baby Beet (1")
1 Fatty 3" Kohlrabi
3 Baby Yellow Onions (actual onion is barely formed)

And with these beautiful manifestations of my intermittent effort, I cooked good enough stuff to make even Emeril jealous.  BAM!  Here are three quick and easy recipes for y'all to enjoy.  They all turned out delicious first try (which doesn't normally happen), so I hope that you'll give them a shot.

Baked Kohlrabi
Ingredients:  1-1,000,000 heads of kohrabi, olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic, parmesian cheese

• Rinse and peel Kohlrabi, slice into 1/4" thick rounds
• Toss with olive oil, salt, pepper, and minced garlic, coating each slice well
• Lay out on baking sheet, make sure to grab all the minced garlic from the bowl and put a little pinch on each slice
• Grate parmesian, and cover each slice with enough cheese to melt
• Bake at 400 degrees until cheese is melted and browning

Kale & Arugula Salad
Ingredients:  1 head of kale (the younger the better, mine isn't that tough yet), some arugula, spicy mustard (Coleman's english is amazing), baby onions or chives, 1 clove garlic, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper, cherry tomatoes

• Rinse and devein kale and then rough chop kale and arugula...maybe 1" pieces
• Chop baby onions and onion greens into as thin of slices as humanly possible
• Put about a tablespoon of mustard, 3-4 tablespoons olive oil, around a tablespoon of vinegar, onions, salt, pepper, and minced garlic clove in sealable jar.  Then, shake it like a Polaroid picture.
• Mix it all together!

Beet & Goat Cheese Salad
Ingredients:  Baby beets, plain goat cheese, walnuts, maple syrup, olive oil, salt, pepper

• Roast or boil beets until tender (stick a knife to the center, if the beet slides off, it's done)
• Cool beets to room temp.  
• Bring a skillet to medium low temp, and toast walnuts for a few minutes, then add enough maple syrup to coat them, a pinch or two of salt, and then STIR STIR STIR until the moisture is gone and walnuts are well coated.  Remove from heat and let cool.
• Slice beets and goat cheese into 1/8-1/4" slices....it's kinda hard with the soft goat cheese, but take care and keep those slices intact.
• Toss beets with olive oil and a touch of salt/pepper, then stack beet and goat cheese slices to your hearts delight, and sprinkle walnuts over the top.

Sorry again for the lack of pictures.  You don't even know how much I want to take some nice pictures!

It Ain't Easy Being Green

Summer just won't cooperate.  Or should I say, winter just won't cooperate.  The rain continues to flood rivers, the sun continues to hide, the weeds are monstrous, and slugs reign supreme.  Despite Kermit's enthusiasm, the garden is winning the battle.  And by the way, Kermit looks strikingly similar to a snow pea.  Strikingly.

Anyways, this is WAR!  The commander in chief has now authorized a troop surge aimed at eliminating enemy insurgents and their offspring.  Civilian casualties are expected...nay...anticipated....the Geneva conventions don't apply in MY garden B$&CH!  Genocide is the order of the day.  Please prepare yourself...the following pictures are particularly gruesome:

Life

DEATH :)

As with all warring nations, however, I constantly try to maintain a semblance of peace and order on the home front.  This means making more babies.  Specifically, baby tomatoes, squash, beans, and peppers to replace those that have died in service of this great country.  This is the third time I've tried to start from seeds this spring alone, and I just hope they sprout and grow strong and tall this time around.  Unfortunately Lou the cat is fighting for the enemy and just this morning decided the infirmary would be a great place to play around.  Damn you LOU!

The Infirmary

The Culprit!

On a more positive note, the vegetables that are still alive are beginning to show signs of...vegetableness.  I have baby beets and kohlrabi, and just seeing those little bulbs has inspired my culinary (pronounced 'cue-lin-airy') imagination.  Seeing as Michelle Obama hasn't patented the garden to plate idea yet, next post I will hopefully detail a beet salad, a garden pasta, and maybe another epicurean delight.  Till next time.

Recipe - Snow Pea & Orange Salad

I harvested the first few handfuls of snow peas and a couple of heads of young lettuce yesterday.  Both are delicious fresh and raw, but I felt duly inspired and created a little salad as follows:

Ingredients:
Snow Peas (7-8 per plate)
Leaf Lettuce Mix
1 - 3 oranges (5-6 segments per plate)
Sesame Seeds
Sesame Oil
White Sugar
Soy Sauce

Process:

1. Bring 2-3 quarts of well-salted water to a boil and prepare ice bath in large bowl to the side
2. Blanch peas for 10 - 15 seconds.  Don't blanch too long or they will wilt.  Strain peas out and quickly place in ice bath until cool.  Trim peas and de-string.
3. Using a very sharp knife, remove peels from oranges, making sure to take off the outer membrane of the fruit and all of the white bitter tissue.  Now cut at angles to remove each segment of the orange.  Store in bowl with juice squeezed from orange centers.
4. In a saucepan, heat a small amount of sesame oil.  Toast sesame seeds in oil until golden brown.  Remove from heat.
5. In the same saucepan, heat reserved orange juice, a splash of soy sauce, and white sugar to taste (2-4 Tbsp. ish) on medium-high heat stirring enough to keep it from burning.  Reduce until you get an almost syrupy glaze.
6. After all ingredients have cooled, combine oranges, peas, and glaze.  Mix well.  Toss lettuce with enough sesame oil to cover and salt and pepper to taste.
7. Grab small handfuls of lettuce by pinching it together and place in center of plate.  Top with glazed pea and orange mixture and sprinkle with toasted sesame seeds.
8. Enjoy!

The Mini-Greenhouse: Beans Need Protection!

What do birds, slugs, mice, and snails all have in common?

Duh!  They are garden predators.  These pests want to eat your young sprouts and will destroy them quickly and efficiently.  Bean sprouts are especially prone because the 2 halves of what was your bean seed become the cotyledons.  In other words, the first two leaves that the plant forms upon sprouting out of the ground are still viable edible material for these plant assassins.

Bean Sprout With Cotyledons

So, logically, we must protect our young beans from attack so that their initial growth stage is strong.  This is something I knew going in, as I remember mom and dad covering the pole beans with milk jug halves implanted 1-2 inches into the ground.  This will lead to stronger bean plants and a better harvest.  However, I was lazy and took my chances with uncovered beans.  Lo and behold, half of them were destroyed within a couple of days, and I was left to replant, having learned my lesson the hard way.

Now, my second crop is just peeking out of the ground, and technology is in order.  Humans, be smarter than nature; Use your tools!  As I've made clear, I'm poor, and a poor-planner, so I don't have 40 milk jugs on hand with which to protect my young tender sprouts.  Therefore, I have used my engineering talents to MacGyver some proper replacements.  Actually, to be fair, this isn't really science....just using what's sitting around the kitchen.

Ball Jar "Devices" (hope this works!)

Had I the money, time, and initiative, I would certainly consider laying a long clear plastic sheet over the whole bed of beans.  This would definitely protect against the birds.  However, it looks like slugs are the main concern here.  As I just learned this morning, they will attack your bean sprouts AS SOON AS THEY PEAK OUT OF THE GROUND.  So don't put it off another minute.

Appeasement Strategies Aside: Ways To Kill The Bastards.

If you have other cheap or easy solutions to this problem, please share in the comments section.

When Thinking Tomatoes, Think Different.

Tomato Varieties Found at North Portland Grocers:
(an informal survey)

Fred Meyer: Red Vine, Cherry, Grape, Undetermined Beefsteak Variety, Roma, Organic Red Vine

Safeway: Hot House, Roma, Yellow Orange & Red Vine, Org. Red Vine, Org. Hot House, Org. Cherry, Romanita, Cherry on Vine, Grape

New Seasons Market: Org. Red Vine, Org. Roma, Org. Undetermined Beefsteak Variety

This is a pretty sad reflection on the state of the American food system, considering the incredible wealth of heirloom tomato varieties. The following website claims to offer 600 different tomato varieties, and although I counted only 121 on the order form, this is still 113 more than the best local grocer is likely to offer.

Heirloom Tomatoes - Online Store

The focus, however, is not the lack of choices found at the grocery store.  The idea here is to create a good impetus for growing your own.  I surely hope that names like Yellow Pear, Black Brandywine, Jersey Devil, or White Beauty will be enough to get your taste-buds flowing and your gardening itch.....itching.
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So, now that we're all online ordering four or five or fifty seed varieties, the question becomes, how (and where) the eff do I plant these things.  And this, my friends, is where creativity comes into play.  The following article got me super-excited about growing The Wolf Pear, because I'd never seen tomatoes grown this way before.  Growing up, mom and dad tended toward the fairly common round wire types....BOOOORIIINNNGGG!

Greenhouse Vine Tomatoes 

(Full Article is HERE)

So, this is the type of trellis I've chosen to adopt for the summer growing season.  The idea of training tomatoes up 6-9 feet of twine is intriguing to me, and allows them to put more energy into reproduction and fruiting.

Another growing idea that has become somewhat popular is growing tomatoes upside down.  Of course, there are the brand-name Topsy Turvy upside down planters.  But I much prefer the build-your-own ideas found HERE.  This type of planter may be helpful for those without much space in the yard.  Just hang those planters from the eves of your house on the south side, and see what happens.

So there you have it.  Buy seeds, build some cool growing system, plant, and enjoy.  Please let me know if any of this stuff actually works out for you.

Lessons Learned, Success!

As a follow-up to yesterday's post about gardening failures, here are a couple of the grand successes that I have achieved thus far:

1. Hardy Plants = Happy Gardener. To reap the rewards of a vegetable garden quickly and with ease, I suggest planting those vegetables which are so easy to grow, a caveman could do it. About half of the veggies that I've planted have sprouted and grown with gusto, and I've had to pay little attention to them, besides a little watering and a little weeding. Hardy winter greens are the staple here....think kale, collards, spinach, chard, and cabbage. I planted these very early and they've done great. Others that have done well include peas, beets, kohlrabi and potatoes. Furthermore, radishes can handle cold weather and are ready to eat in less than a month. If you're looking to get started quickly, plant a bed of greens and a bed of beets, kohlrabi, and/or radishes and then sip on some whiskey and relax that troubled mind. These plants will do the work for you.

List of Spring and Fall Veggies

2. When starting seeds indoors, give ample space and ample light. I found great success with my seed starts using 16oz. red keg cups (picnic cups, for the young at heart) in place of the small 4oz. peat seed starters. The seeds in keg cups flourished with the added space to grow a large and strong root system. Furthermore, make sure that your starts are getting all sorts of light. Place near a south-facing window, and if the weather is gloomy, I suggest adding artificial light as well. I happen to have old fish tank lights that I used, but if you're rolling in the dough, you might even splurge on a larger indoor full spectrum grow light. I think it's well worth the time, effort, and money to ensure that your seed-starts come up big and strong. The early maturation will lead to even greater success when transplanted into the garden proper.

If you want more in-depth and technical information on starting seeds, I suggest asking your good friend Google. Google knows.

Lessons Learned: Failure.

Back in the day, when people like you and I were actually required by circumstance to grow their own food, gardening technique was passed down from generation to generation. From neighbor to neighbor. From friend to friend. (This is the way I imagine it anyways). Therefore, I'd like to spend a couple of posts recounting my various successes and failures this spring, so as to share what little I have learned. Today, (and this is a highly non-technical report) I'll focus on some of the failures:

1. Follow the directions on seed packets. Being slightly cocky and slightly stubborn, I decided that things would sprout when and where I (god) wanted them to. As it turns out, it actually works MUCH better to wait until say, the weather is warm enough, and the sun is out. Planting seeds at the correct time and in the correct conditions will save you a lot of stress and disappointment as a gardener. Lesson learned.

2. I read about a sloped-bed technique in Four-Season Harvest, by Eliot Coleman. The supposed advantage to adding a 15% southward slope on a garden bed is capturing 20% more warmth from the suns rays. Unfortunately, when it rains heavily, as when planting much too early in the spring, a sloped bed only serves to swamp the seedlings in the lower half of the bed, creating poor growing conditions. Just this week I hoed up, evened out, and replanted these lower halves of my sloped beds, adding more drainage by raising the soil level relative to the upper halves. I have no doubt that these sloped beds can be beneficial if built correctly, but you have to provide proper drainage. Lesson learned.

3. Do it right or do it twice. There have been many areas where the saying applies, but the best two are these: Pea Trellis and Fence. The Pea trellis I built is composed of stakes on each end with twine threaded back and forth throughout. I didn't build it very well, and as the peas have grown bigger, it has begun to sag under the weight. Furthermore, I didn't build it tall enough, the wind and rain have had their way with some of the taller stalks. And what of the fence? Well, it quickly became clear that the dogs were not going to leave my poor garden alone. So I threw together a flimsy three foot tall chicken wire and wooden stake affair. The dogs went under and over and around. So, I added plywood at the base, dug six inches into the ground, added a foot in height, and reinforced the ends with plywood and staples. The hounds have been held at bay. Lessons learned.

Tomorrow: The Successes!

A Proper Fence

Sagging Pea Trellis

Trellis 2.0: Tomatoes

Ups 'n Downs & A Few Pics

Hi Everyone,

So I've been building a small veggie garden in my new backyard. I started work in mid-February, and as many first time gardeners are prone to do, I jumped the gun on planting many of my veggies. The itch of spring got to me, as did some tricky Portland weather. Oh well, oh well. I have a new alter-ego: The Haphazard Gardener.

Most everything came up alright, but then I had to put a lot of work into building a fence to keep the dogs out. Replanting some of the seedlings that they trampled took some time. And now, in mid-may, we've had three straight days of 30 mph winds and about 2 inches of rain. This bent several of my snow-pea stalks in half, and I hope it won't cause seed-rot for the beans, radishes, leeks, and brussels sprouts that I planted earlier this week.

Below are some pictures of the current state of affairs. I also included one picture of the area before I went to town. The quality is a little poor because I'm using my blackberry. If anybody wants to contribute a digital SLR to the effort, you're more than welcome. Yes, digging up the sod was 15 hours of b&*ch work with a pulaski and a shovel. And yes, every little garden bed I dig requires half an hour of turning the soil and chopping up grass root clods.

More posts and pictures to come. Enjoy.

The Calm Before The Storm

Side View

Front View

Snow Peas In Bloom

Potatoes (Reds and Yukons)

Compost. Important....For Next Year...

Rosemary Rooted From Cuttings

Tomato Starts With Trellace

Kale Going Nuts

Collards Going Ape-Shit

Mixed Greens (Super Excited For These)