Recipe - Wannabe a Rasta

I don't watch a lot of TV anymore...mostly because after living with Micah's 56" Plasma for 6 months, watching our old-school 27" boob tube is like reading a book.  Go ahead, literature nuts, hate on me.  One of the shows I do watch (besides sports of course!) is No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain.

I just recently saw his Jamaica episode, and at one point he visits a guy who is some sort of leader in the Rastafarian movement and is served  some down-home Rasta fare.  One of the dishes is a mash up of corn, greens, and maybe some grains, and the vision, that was planted in my brain...still remains.  It inspired me, along with Dad's new vegan obsession, to create the following dish, which turned out pretty excellente, por favor.

Rastafuchsian Barleytash
2-3 Cobs Corn
1 cup Uncooked Barley
10 or so Collard Green Leaves
1 bunch Green Onions
2-3 Jalopeno Peppers
1 Lemon
Salt, Pepper, Olive Oil

• Cook barley as you would rice, for about 45 minutes in 3 cups of salted water.  You want it to be both chewy and tender at the same time.  Also, I didn't do this, but in retrospect you may want to rinse the barley in a strainer after you cook it.  There's a lot of starch, sort of like in oatmeal, and this makes the finished dish kind of...sticky.
• Boil corn for about 5 minutes in salted water, and then cool in cold tap water or ice water.
• Chop collards into small pieces, approximately centimeter squares.
• Slice green onions and jalopenos (seeds removed) as small as you can get them.
• After barley has cooled, slice corn off of cobs, and mix all ingredients together with a good drizzle of olive oil, juice of lemon, and salt and pepper to taste.  I prefer a good amount of salt...maybe 2-3 pinches or more...enough to balance with the lemon acidity and bring out the sweetness of the corn and the toasty barley flavor.
• Put it in the fridge for a few hours and serve cold.

As a side note, I believe this recipe to be vegan, but it isn't technically an acceptable Rastafarian dish.  True Rastas, from what I've read, do not eat either salt or oil.

Pictures, Straight Up

I'm too lazy to format all these and add captions.  You'll see a bunch of the veggies that are coming along, plus flowering radishes, lettuce seed pods, and beets going to seed.  In fact, let's just turn this into a little game.  The game is:  You look at these pictures and see if you can guess what they are.  If you aren't a hermit, you'll do well.  Best game ever!  Enjoy.

Magic

Nerd Alert!  This post may include uncool, non-chic, and/or anti-baller references.  You nerds (you know who you are) might get overly geeked and feel the urge to start replaying Final Fantasy 4.  Resist!

Now then, if you weren't aware, gardening is magic.  And just as with sorcery, witchcraft, and sleight of hand, there exist a range of tricks, potions, and spells that one must learn, practice, and master.  Let me break it down for you.

The Four Levels of Gardening Magic

Harry Potter - Level 1:  Germination
Look at it this way, I sprouted a green bean in kindergarten.  It ain't that hard....even if you're a half-blood and live in Hufflepuff House. 

David Copperfield - Level 2:  Actual Vegetables
The time and metaphorical (metaphysical?) distance between a seed sprout and a summer squash is comparable to the time and distance through which this male model wannabe supposedly transports himself on live TV.  I remember once he went from a live studio in Vegas to a beach in Hawaii.  I didn't believe it.  But believe this, if you don't take care of your sprouts and give them a good home, NO SOUP FOR YOU!  It's harder than mom and dad make it look.  It takes planning, practice, and patience.....or maybe some pre-taped video footage.

Gandalf The White - Level 3:  Repeating the Process
Alright, this is where I start to get really excited.  Why?  Because despite Gandalf coming back from the dead after his mighty battle with the Balrog, Tolkien never mentions anything about Monsanto (run, fools...run).  In fact, the mechanics behind Gandalf's Jesus impression are still pretty vague to me.  Point is, Frodo couldn't just go out and buy a new wizard at the wizard store.  In the same regard, up until the mid-20th century, if one wanted to grow veggies next year, one saved seeds from this year.

I was pretty disappointed last week when I harvested a few radishes and found out that they are so hard and starchy that I could barely chew them.  Then I realized why....they had 3 foot flowering stalks above them.  Gone to seed.  This was a huuuuge bummer for about 10 minutes, and then I realized what this actually meant.  Gone to SEED...HOLY SHIT I CAN SAVE THE SEEDS!  Giggity!  As of today, I've harvested peas for seed and have plans for the radishes and lettuces as well as green and yellow beans, beets, and whatever else I can pull off.  I also found out that some potato varieties grow berries.  Go figure.

As an aside, one of the valedictorians in my high school class could speak and write in Tolkien's elvish.  She also skipped through the halls and sung gibberish to herself between classes.  NERD!  Oh wait, she probably has a better job than I don't......jobs are a whole other kind of magic.

Yoda - Level 4: Plant Porn
Are jedi mind tricks really magic?  Did I just slip some gangster rap into my nerd post?  Well, let's just put it this way, Yoda is one with all of the matter and energy in the universe, so magic or not, he's a powerful motherf@cker.  And if you want to do what I want to do, you'll have to be powerful too!

What do I want to do, you ask?  Well, as I so aptly put it to a good friend of mine....I want to dilly dally with stamens and anthers.  The friendly UK blog 'Daughter of the Soil' has a wealth of information on creating genetic crosses and selecting seeds for certain traits.  She'll show ya how to pollinate flowers of tomatae, potatae, and peas at the very least.  I highly recommend it.  And if I manage to stay in this same house for a few years, I fully intend to attempt a genetic cross or two myself.
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P.S. I just borrowed a 'real' digital camera from my buddy Gammy (Holla!) so next post will likely consist of all pictures and captions.  Prepare for the visual onslaught.

Dankness

Guilty as charged.  Sentence: 2 days of weeding in the hot sun (because apparently nowadays we get sun in the northwest)

Yes, yes, it's true.  I've turned to a life of crime over the last month.  Crime against vegetables.  Gardening ain't easy, and I haven't exhibited the morals or the work ethic to overcome.  My garden has damn near gone to seed, and I regret my laziness over the last month.  I need to weed.

However, not all is bad!  Everything is coming up and growing strong in it's own way, and tonight I was able to harvest the following:

1 Head of Kale
2 Handfuls of Arugula
6 Red Red Radishes
1 Baby Turnip (1")
1 Baby Beet (1")
1 Fatty 3" Kohlrabi
3 Baby Yellow Onions (actual onion is barely formed)

And with these beautiful manifestations of my intermittent effort, I cooked good enough stuff to make even Emeril jealous.  BAM!  Here are three quick and easy recipes for y'all to enjoy.  They all turned out delicious first try (which doesn't normally happen), so I hope that you'll give them a shot.

Baked Kohlrabi
Ingredients:  1-1,000,000 heads of kohrabi, olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic, parmesian cheese

• Rinse and peel Kohlrabi, slice into 1/4" thick rounds
• Toss with olive oil, salt, pepper, and minced garlic, coating each slice well
• Lay out on baking sheet, make sure to grab all the minced garlic from the bowl and put a little pinch on each slice
• Grate parmesian, and cover each slice with enough cheese to melt
• Bake at 400 degrees until cheese is melted and browning

Kale & Arugula Salad
Ingredients:  1 head of kale (the younger the better, mine isn't that tough yet), some arugula, spicy mustard (Coleman's english is amazing), baby onions or chives, 1 clove garlic, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper, cherry tomatoes

• Rinse and devein kale and then rough chop kale and arugula...maybe 1" pieces
• Chop baby onions and onion greens into as thin of slices as humanly possible
• Put about a tablespoon of mustard, 3-4 tablespoons olive oil, around a tablespoon of vinegar, onions, salt, pepper, and minced garlic clove in sealable jar.  Then, shake it like a Polaroid picture.
• Mix it all together!

Beet & Goat Cheese Salad
Ingredients:  Baby beets, plain goat cheese, walnuts, maple syrup, olive oil, salt, pepper

• Roast or boil beets until tender (stick a knife to the center, if the beet slides off, it's done)
• Cool beets to room temp.  
• Bring a skillet to medium low temp, and toast walnuts for a few minutes, then add enough maple syrup to coat them, a pinch or two of salt, and then STIR STIR STIR until the moisture is gone and walnuts are well coated.  Remove from heat and let cool.
• Slice beets and goat cheese into 1/8-1/4" slices....it's kinda hard with the soft goat cheese, but take care and keep those slices intact.
• Toss beets with olive oil and a touch of salt/pepper, then stack beet and goat cheese slices to your hearts delight, and sprinkle walnuts over the top.

Sorry again for the lack of pictures.  You don't even know how much I want to take some nice pictures!