Magic

Nerd Alert!  This post may include uncool, non-chic, and/or anti-baller references.  You nerds (you know who you are) might get overly geeked and feel the urge to start replaying Final Fantasy 4.  Resist!

Now then, if you weren't aware, gardening is magic.  And just as with sorcery, witchcraft, and sleight of hand, there exist a range of tricks, potions, and spells that one must learn, practice, and master.  Let me break it down for you.

The Four Levels of Gardening Magic

Harry Potter - Level 1:  Germination
Look at it this way, I sprouted a green bean in kindergarten.  It ain't that hard....even if you're a half-blood and live in Hufflepuff House. 

David Copperfield - Level 2:  Actual Vegetables
The time and metaphorical (metaphysical?) distance between a seed sprout and a summer squash is comparable to the time and distance through which this male model wannabe supposedly transports himself on live TV.  I remember once he went from a live studio in Vegas to a beach in Hawaii.  I didn't believe it.  But believe this, if you don't take care of your sprouts and give them a good home, NO SOUP FOR YOU!  It's harder than mom and dad make it look.  It takes planning, practice, and patience.....or maybe some pre-taped video footage.

Gandalf The White - Level 3:  Repeating the Process
Alright, this is where I start to get really excited.  Why?  Because despite Gandalf coming back from the dead after his mighty battle with the Balrog, Tolkien never mentions anything about Monsanto (run, fools...run).  In fact, the mechanics behind Gandalf's Jesus impression are still pretty vague to me.  Point is, Frodo couldn't just go out and buy a new wizard at the wizard store.  In the same regard, up until the mid-20th century, if one wanted to grow veggies next year, one saved seeds from this year.

I was pretty disappointed last week when I harvested a few radishes and found out that they are so hard and starchy that I could barely chew them.  Then I realized why....they had 3 foot flowering stalks above them.  Gone to seed.  This was a huuuuge bummer for about 10 minutes, and then I realized what this actually meant.  Gone to SEED...HOLY SHIT I CAN SAVE THE SEEDS!  Giggity!  As of today, I've harvested peas for seed and have plans for the radishes and lettuces as well as green and yellow beans, beets, and whatever else I can pull off.  I also found out that some potato varieties grow berries.  Go figure.

As an aside, one of the valedictorians in my high school class could speak and write in Tolkien's elvish.  She also skipped through the halls and sung gibberish to herself between classes.  NERD!  Oh wait, she probably has a better job than I don't......jobs are a whole other kind of magic.

Yoda - Level 4: Plant Porn
Are jedi mind tricks really magic?  Did I just slip some gangster rap into my nerd post?  Well, let's just put it this way, Yoda is one with all of the matter and energy in the universe, so magic or not, he's a powerful motherf@cker.  And if you want to do what I want to do, you'll have to be powerful too!

What do I want to do, you ask?  Well, as I so aptly put it to a good friend of mine....I want to dilly dally with stamens and anthers.  The friendly UK blog 'Daughter of the Soil' has a wealth of information on creating genetic crosses and selecting seeds for certain traits.  She'll show ya how to pollinate flowers of tomatae, potatae, and peas at the very least.  I highly recommend it.  And if I manage to stay in this same house for a few years, I fully intend to attempt a genetic cross or two myself.
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P.S. I just borrowed a 'real' digital camera from my buddy Gammy (Holla!) so next post will likely consist of all pictures and captions.  Prepare for the visual onslaught.

When Thinking Tomatoes, Think Different.

Tomato Varieties Found at North Portland Grocers:
(an informal survey)

Fred Meyer: Red Vine, Cherry, Grape, Undetermined Beefsteak Variety, Roma, Organic Red Vine

Safeway: Hot House, Roma, Yellow Orange & Red Vine, Org. Red Vine, Org. Hot House, Org. Cherry, Romanita, Cherry on Vine, Grape

New Seasons Market: Org. Red Vine, Org. Roma, Org. Undetermined Beefsteak Variety

This is a pretty sad reflection on the state of the American food system, considering the incredible wealth of heirloom tomato varieties. The following website claims to offer 600 different tomato varieties, and although I counted only 121 on the order form, this is still 113 more than the best local grocer is likely to offer.

Heirloom Tomatoes - Online Store

The focus, however, is not the lack of choices found at the grocery store.  The idea here is to create a good impetus for growing your own.  I surely hope that names like Yellow Pear, Black Brandywine, Jersey Devil, or White Beauty will be enough to get your taste-buds flowing and your gardening itch.....itching.
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So, now that we're all online ordering four or five or fifty seed varieties, the question becomes, how (and where) the eff do I plant these things.  And this, my friends, is where creativity comes into play.  The following article got me super-excited about growing The Wolf Pear, because I'd never seen tomatoes grown this way before.  Growing up, mom and dad tended toward the fairly common round wire types....BOOOORIIINNNGGG!

Greenhouse Vine Tomatoes 

(Full Article is HERE)

So, this is the type of trellis I've chosen to adopt for the summer growing season.  The idea of training tomatoes up 6-9 feet of twine is intriguing to me, and allows them to put more energy into reproduction and fruiting.

Another growing idea that has become somewhat popular is growing tomatoes upside down.  Of course, there are the brand-name Topsy Turvy upside down planters.  But I much prefer the build-your-own ideas found HERE.  This type of planter may be helpful for those without much space in the yard.  Just hang those planters from the eves of your house on the south side, and see what happens.

So there you have it.  Buy seeds, build some cool growing system, plant, and enjoy.  Please let me know if any of this stuff actually works out for you.