Magic

Nerd Alert!  This post may include uncool, non-chic, and/or anti-baller references.  You nerds (you know who you are) might get overly geeked and feel the urge to start replaying Final Fantasy 4.  Resist!

Now then, if you weren't aware, gardening is magic.  And just as with sorcery, witchcraft, and sleight of hand, there exist a range of tricks, potions, and spells that one must learn, practice, and master.  Let me break it down for you.

The Four Levels of Gardening Magic

Harry Potter - Level 1:  Germination
Look at it this way, I sprouted a green bean in kindergarten.  It ain't that hard....even if you're a half-blood and live in Hufflepuff House. 

David Copperfield - Level 2:  Actual Vegetables
The time and metaphorical (metaphysical?) distance between a seed sprout and a summer squash is comparable to the time and distance through which this male model wannabe supposedly transports himself on live TV.  I remember once he went from a live studio in Vegas to a beach in Hawaii.  I didn't believe it.  But believe this, if you don't take care of your sprouts and give them a good home, NO SOUP FOR YOU!  It's harder than mom and dad make it look.  It takes planning, practice, and patience.....or maybe some pre-taped video footage.

Gandalf The White - Level 3:  Repeating the Process
Alright, this is where I start to get really excited.  Why?  Because despite Gandalf coming back from the dead after his mighty battle with the Balrog, Tolkien never mentions anything about Monsanto (run, fools...run).  In fact, the mechanics behind Gandalf's Jesus impression are still pretty vague to me.  Point is, Frodo couldn't just go out and buy a new wizard at the wizard store.  In the same regard, up until the mid-20th century, if one wanted to grow veggies next year, one saved seeds from this year.

I was pretty disappointed last week when I harvested a few radishes and found out that they are so hard and starchy that I could barely chew them.  Then I realized why....they had 3 foot flowering stalks above them.  Gone to seed.  This was a huuuuge bummer for about 10 minutes, and then I realized what this actually meant.  Gone to SEED...HOLY SHIT I CAN SAVE THE SEEDS!  Giggity!  As of today, I've harvested peas for seed and have plans for the radishes and lettuces as well as green and yellow beans, beets, and whatever else I can pull off.  I also found out that some potato varieties grow berries.  Go figure.

As an aside, one of the valedictorians in my high school class could speak and write in Tolkien's elvish.  She also skipped through the halls and sung gibberish to herself between classes.  NERD!  Oh wait, she probably has a better job than I don't......jobs are a whole other kind of magic.

Yoda - Level 4: Plant Porn
Are jedi mind tricks really magic?  Did I just slip some gangster rap into my nerd post?  Well, let's just put it this way, Yoda is one with all of the matter and energy in the universe, so magic or not, he's a powerful motherf@cker.  And if you want to do what I want to do, you'll have to be powerful too!

What do I want to do, you ask?  Well, as I so aptly put it to a good friend of mine....I want to dilly dally with stamens and anthers.  The friendly UK blog 'Daughter of the Soil' has a wealth of information on creating genetic crosses and selecting seeds for certain traits.  She'll show ya how to pollinate flowers of tomatae, potatae, and peas at the very least.  I highly recommend it.  And if I manage to stay in this same house for a few years, I fully intend to attempt a genetic cross or two myself.
__________________________________________________________
P.S. I just borrowed a 'real' digital camera from my buddy Gammy (Holla!) so next post will likely consist of all pictures and captions.  Prepare for the visual onslaught.

Lessons Learned, Success!

As a follow-up to yesterday's post about gardening failures, here are a couple of the grand successes that I have achieved thus far:

1. Hardy Plants = Happy Gardener. To reap the rewards of a vegetable garden quickly and with ease, I suggest planting those vegetables which are so easy to grow, a caveman could do it. About half of the veggies that I've planted have sprouted and grown with gusto, and I've had to pay little attention to them, besides a little watering and a little weeding. Hardy winter greens are the staple here....think kale, collards, spinach, chard, and cabbage. I planted these very early and they've done great. Others that have done well include peas, beets, kohlrabi and potatoes. Furthermore, radishes can handle cold weather and are ready to eat in less than a month. If you're looking to get started quickly, plant a bed of greens and a bed of beets, kohlrabi, and/or radishes and then sip on some whiskey and relax that troubled mind. These plants will do the work for you.

List of Spring and Fall Veggies

2. When starting seeds indoors, give ample space and ample light. I found great success with my seed starts using 16oz. red keg cups (picnic cups, for the young at heart) in place of the small 4oz. peat seed starters. The seeds in keg cups flourished with the added space to grow a large and strong root system. Furthermore, make sure that your starts are getting all sorts of light. Place near a south-facing window, and if the weather is gloomy, I suggest adding artificial light as well. I happen to have old fish tank lights that I used, but if you're rolling in the dough, you might even splurge on a larger indoor full spectrum grow light. I think it's well worth the time, effort, and money to ensure that your seed-starts come up big and strong. The early maturation will lead to even greater success when transplanted into the garden proper.

If you want more in-depth and technical information on starting seeds, I suggest asking your good friend Google. Google knows.